Can't Let You Go
by complacently-yours
Summary: I wrote this a while ago after I got over my initial anger at Eclipse, and posted it on my blog on Myspace. But now I've edited it a bit and, obviously, have decided to post it here. It is in Jacob's point of view, and the song is If You Love Someone.


_The terminal was crowded_

_I saw her and I shouted_

_Then felt alone inside my bones_

Europe. Bella was flying to another continent today. And it would possibly be the last time I would ever see her. In days it would be official–we would be natural enemies. But I would try to make it work. I would try not to let her see how it would hurt me. After all, we could still be long-distance friends, right? It's not as if you can see each other over the phone.

_On our way back to the falls_

_I could tell that she was never coming back here_

_My worst fear_

But what did it matter? Not seeing Bella would be Hell on Earth. To never see her smile again, see her trip over her own feet, or even see how cute she looked when she was angry with me would kill what part of me hadn't already died seeing her marry the bloodsucker...I mean, Edward.

I was going to have to work on that. Bella was officially a...a...Cullen. God, I couldn't even think it. She was almost one of _them _now, and would be exactly like them in just days. I would have to stop calling them bloodsuckers, because that category would soon include Bella. And never in a million years would I insult Bella like that, even if she was one.

Letting her go forever would be by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even when we weren't talking, after _they_ had returned...Nothing would compare to the pain I was about to experience. At least before I knew she was okay, I knew she was at least still a human and that she had the opportunity to come see me whenever she felt like forgiving me, or I her.

This was different. Much different. Now I had to come to terms with the risk of losing her completely. She wouldn't be a fifteen minute drive away anymore. She would be an entire ocean away.

_If you love someone, let them go_

_And if they come back to you they're yours_

_If you love something, set it free_

_And if it comes back to you it's yours_

"Jake?"

I turned at the sound of her voice. The voice that caused me so much pain, and yet caused me so much happiness at the same time.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I have to leave soon. I just thought I'd say goodbye before we leave. And I wanted to let you know that I'd call as soon as I could. And...well...I just wanted to tell you I love you one last time in person."

She smiled timidly and I though my heart would explode from the pain and love that coursed through me. This was it; this was goodbye.

"I love you too, Bells. Never, ever forget that." I pulled her into a hug that I never wanted to end. But it had to. And so I kissed her head tenderly one last time before stepping away. "This isn't goodbye, okay?"

But we both knew it was.

"Of course not," she said. I wiped away a tear that had fallen from her eyes. "I'll talk to you later, Jacob."

And then she climbed into her old Chevy Pickup, the very one I'd fixed for her, and drove away. I had just done what I thought would be impossible; I let Bella go.

And a part of me went with her.

_Two years on this road_

_It felt like speaking code_

_Did she change her mind_

_I'll blame the time_

She hadn't called. Ever. Two years had passed, and the only contact I ever had with her were the brief letters she would send, with no return address. And it had been four months since the last one of those came.

At least I knew she was alive. That's what I had to tell myself to keep me sane.

In her letters, she didn't mention a thing about any of the Cullens. I assumed she was still with them, but I couldn't be sure. What if something had happened to her in those four months? All I'd been able to collect from the brief sentences she'd written was that she was okay, she was coping. But with what I didn't know.

Was she happy? Was she a vampire like _them_? Had she been able to keep control of herself?

_I wanna sail across the ocean_

_And find her before she made the choice to walk away_

_But I have to let her go_

I wish I knew everything. I wish I'd been smarter two years ago. Because maybe then I could have somehow convinced her to stay. All I wanted, even now, was to talk to her. I just wanted to hear her voice, tell her I still love her, make sure she was happy, see if...

I wanted to know everything. But I didn't.

What I did know, however, was that letting her go was the right decision. Somewhere deep I my heart, I knew that she was happy. Was she scared? Never. She had her family with her, as much I hated to think of it that way. Was she fighting the monster in her? She was strong enough to hold that part of herself back. But happy? Yes, Bella was definitely happy.

And I would be too if I was with the love of my life. The only problem was that my love had an even greater one who made her happier than I ever could.

_If you love someone, let them go_

_And if they come back to you they're yours_

_If you love something, set it free_

_And if it comes back to you it's yours_

Then one day, the phone rang. Billy was out fishing with Charlie, trying to cheer him up–today was Bella's birthday, and all he got from her was a letter saying not to worry about her–so I was home alone. When I answered the phone I heard the one thing that I'd been waiting for for over two years.

"It's me, Jacob. It's Bella."

_I don't wanna let go_

_I don't wanna let go_

It was her, it was really her. She was really okay, she had called. She was on the phone, her voice in my ear!

"Bella? Bella, what took you so long? Two years, Bella. Two years."

"I know, Jake, I know. But...just let me explain."

_I'm just letting you know_

And so she did. She talked for an hour, filling me in on everything. Yeah, she was a vampire now; one of the damned. But I still loved her.

_I don't wanna let go_

_I don't wanna let go_

"We were in Paris, Jake! And I didn't even lose control, not even once! That entire city full of people and I walked through like–"

"Hey, Bella?" I interrupted her story.

"Yeah, Jake?"

"I never wanted you to leave."

A brief pause. "What?"

"And I still love you. Leaving was the right thing for you, cause it made you happy. But I still didn't want you to go. I'm just, you know, letting you know."

"Thanks, Jake." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I pictured it. It was probably a sad smile based on her tone, but it was a smile nonetheless. And I was the one who had brought it to her face.

Bella was back, at least in one form. And I was never letting her go again.

_I'm just letting you know_


End file.
